ABOUT THIS BLOG

Curious about the name Lost In Holland? 
 It is based on Emily Perl Kingsley's famous essay entitled Welcome To Holland which describes what it is like to be the mother to a child with special needs.  You can read MY thoughts on this essay HERE to further understand.

My journey as a special needs mother started almost 17 years ago, before there were blogs.  When cameras still had film.  Back when I, and many other moms, were dealing with the diagnoses of our children pretty much alone.  Before blogs like Kelle Hampton's turned special needs blogging into a "brand" of inspirational eye candy.  Before the Autism Awareness ribbon was even a car magnet.  Okay, you'd think I was prehistoric, but you get my drift, right?

Backstory:  I was an unwed woman a few years out of college, reconciling with a boyfriend who had recently dumped me when we were surprised with a very unexpected pregnancy.  We had a quick court house wedding and welcomed a daughter into the world with barely 2 nickels to rub together.

We were young, overwhelmed, clueless, and broke.  I brought home a 7 lb, 2 oz little girl to a small 2 bedroom rental in Baltimore city and started the journey of motherhood with no support system, no friends with babies, no idea what I was doing.  Just when I got to the point where I could actually venture bravely outside of the house, things took a dramatic turn. At 16 weeks of age, my perfect little girl had her first grand mal seizure.  This tonic-clonic convulsion raged through her for 75 minutes straight.  I had to give her mouth-to-mouth as a police officer who happened to live next door to me raced me to the closest hospital.  It was the first time I ever experienced a nightmare while awake in my life.

My baby went into status epileptus again two months later, then again two months after that.  Her seizures came more frequently, always long and very dramatic in appearance.  It always looked to me as if she was not going to live to see the end of the episode.  She even had the very rare Jacksonian seizure once, confounding her neurologist.

Things became a blur after that...  Neurologists, EEGs, medications, CAT Scans and MRIs, tests, tests, and more tests.... Lather, rinse, repeat.  Answers, but no answers.  No answers, and just more and more seizures.  Then, shortly after her second birthday, after a loss of language and other skills, she was diagnosed with cognitive impairments and Autism. The life of "normal motherhood" took a gigantic U-turn and was filled with therapies, early intervention, and doctor's visits instead of playdates and parties, pre-schools and storytime at the library.

During her first 8 years I went to graduate school to obtain a degree in Clinical Psychology, navigated the "special needs" waters, eventually separated from my husband, spent a few years as a single mom, found love with my true soul mate, and finally remarried when my daughter turned 8 and started a new life with the best part of my old life.

Our family has since welcomed three little girls, all of whom are neurotypical and are wonderful with their big sister.  After over a decade of working in the field of psychology I have been staying at home as Dr. Mom because, lets face it, it would have to be one heck of a job to pay for all that day care!

My life is nothing I thought it would be and everything I've ever imagined.  I straddle two worlds; the typical world with three of my daughters and the less typical world parenting a significantly disabled teen.  Juggling these two worlds is complicated, but I've always been one for a challenge.

RETURN HOME